Welcome back to the zone of all things annoying, teeth-grinding, and horrific. So, my post this week WAS going to be, as I previously hinted, Winter related. To be specific, it was PEOPLE WHO DRIVE 20MPH ON LONG, TWISTY ROADS I CAN'T POSSIBLY PASS THEM ON, IN 45 THOUSAND DOLLAR LEXUS 4-WHEEL DRIVE SUVS, WHILE I AM STUCK HELPLESSLY BEHIND THEM IN MY $13,OOO, 9 YEAR OLD SUZUKI, FLAILING MY (MITTENED) HANDS AROUND AND SCREAMING " I'M FROM TEXAS AND I DRIVE FASTER THAN YOU MORONS!!!". But that title seems pretty self explantatory, doesn't it? Therefore, I have decided to write about something just as annoying, and more recently on my mind, which is PEOPLE WHO GO TO SPORTS BARS FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF NOT WATCHING SPORTS!!!
Last weekend we went to the local sports joint to watch the (obnoxious, crappy-assed) Seahawks play the (too lame to win) Redskins. About halfway into the 2nd quarter, three women came in and commandeered a gi-normous table, two sitting on one side and the other all by herself at the other. They then proceeded to discuss the super-happy fact that the one sitting by herself was pregnant, and that they had pumped unbelievable amounts of breast milk when THEY were preggo. Then a few husbands, another wife, and a kid showed up, and I got to listen to the pregnant one talk to the kid in an extra loud, helium-sucking inspired voice, saying things like "did you get a soda? Do you like your soda?" The kid, who was like, 6 or something, NOT 0.4, wisely ignored her (which I thought was pretty funny!).
So then MORE hubbys showed up, and they hit on such scintillating topics as how much beer they didn't drink while their wives were pregnant, the fact that they were thinking about buying a Lexus (this IS Boulder) and the fact that they had seen the Transformer movie. Not the movie itself, mind you, the plot, the special effects, but the fact that the movie existed, and they had seen it. I don't know HOW they did this, AMAZINGLY I can't remember every riveting word of that conversation, but I swear on a 3 foot high stack of Anthropologie catalogues that it lasted for TEN MINUTES!!! But, and here's the most important part, the WHOLE time we were there, and I KNOW this because I had to look over their heads to see the T.V., ONE guy GLANCED at the screen THREE TIMES!!!
It's kinda like when you go to a concert, and the people in front of you talk through the whole thing. Just stay home, put your Rush CD on as loud as it'll go, smoke enough pot to make the air all hazy, and save yourself 80 bucks!!! Man, I remember when we went to the Paul Simon/Bob Dylan concert, THE WHOLE TIME there was this GRATING voice going ON and ON about every God-Damn thing you could imagine...oh wait! That WAS Bob Dylan! AHHAHAHAHAHAA!
So, just remember, "Anyone (who has recently had a lobotomy) can love Elmo, but it takes someone REALLY special to love Oscar".
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