So, I'm about to single out a certain segment of society and give 'em Hell! But will my post be as potentially controversial as last weeks? NO!! Because this is not a segment considered off-limits to mock, and that is probably because most people agree with me!!! So, without further ado, I give you: GIRLS WHO WEAR A SIZE ZERO OR SIMILAR!!! First of all, what kind of dumb size is a size ZERO!?!? It's like you're non-existent. What if you're SUPER teeny tiny, do you go into negative numbers? (Maybe imaginary numbers. I always hated those. If you want a peeve w/in a peeve, this is it. I mean, if you can make up some number in order to make your equation work, does that really prove your equation? I think it's cheating. But, then again I know EVEN LESS about math then politics, so don't listen to me. Cheaters.).
O.K., maybe you're thinking right about now that I'm being a little hard on these gals. You could argue that some people are just born with little birdy bones and couldn't eat themselves up to a size six if they tried. Or, maybe they just work really hard at staying that small and I shouldn't criticize them just because I'd rather sit here eating popcorn and working on this goofy blog then going out and Taebo-ing myself to death, or something. Well, that's all probably true. HOWEVER!!! I can't tell you how many times I've been in a dressing room and heard somebody yell, "Oh [insert name of overly friendly salesperson here], do you have this in a smaller size? This FOUR is toooo big!" Or "This TWO is just huge on me, do you carry ZEROS??" Well, again you're being unfair, you say, these poor chickadees can't help it if they're difficult to clothe!! AH-HA!!! But here's what you aren't taking into account, especially if you're a guy and you don't know about this odd phenomenon of hollering out requests for your shopping buddies to bring you clothing. NOBODY OVER A SIZE 8 DOES HOLLER THIS CRAP OUT LOUD!!! I can't say I've ever heard anybody yell "this size TEN really smooshes all my fat out in bizarre ways, do you have a TWELVE?!?! Or "This TWELVE is waaayy too small, do you carry PLUS SIZES!!!
So perhaps I should amend my title to include "...AND ARE UNNECESSARILY LOUD ABOUT IT!!! or "...LIVE IN OUR DUMB SOCIETY THAT PRAISES THEM FOR SUCH AN 'ACCOMPLISHMENT'!!!
Well, regardless, I hope I haven't offended my entire audience, 90% of which I KNOW to actually BE size zeros (as in "non-existent", anyway!) and have entertained the rest of my audience, which is Spencer.
1 comment:
Thankfully, when you're a guy, you always get to wear the same pant size that you wore in high school, you just have to keep wearing your pants lower and lower on your hips to make room for your expanding gut to spill over the top. I currently wear mine somewhere around the mid-shin area, myself...I'm not sure what I'll do when they get down to the ankle, I think that's a little wider than the bottom of the shin.
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