Stacey's PEEVE O'THE WEEK!!!

Well, peeps, it just so happens to be an AMAZING 71degrees and sunny here in the CO, first day over 70 for the year, and I'll be darned if even I am not having some trouble feeling grumpy! But I know you wouldn't want me faking it, so I'll go bang my toe into the wall AAAAHHHH and watch a little CNN aaagghhh maybe ponder for a few minutes how STUPID the final episode of Enterprise was ackackack... O.K. that oughta do it. I'm gonna go with THE OVER GADGET-IZING OF AMERICA!!! today. See, I have this little stove-top alleged cappuccino maker that really doesn't do as great a job as it is hyped to do. So the last time I was in Starbutts (not it's real name) I looked at the machines they had and found a really nice one, all stainless and sexy, and looking pretty well made. So I wandered over to where they kept the stacks of boxes and saw that it cost $$$1,595.oo$$!!!! Yiiiyee! Who the HELL spends that much money on a cappuccino maker??? If I bought one of those things I'd have to set up the ol' card table in the front yard and start selling coffee to the neighbor kids. Or I could barter for lemonade, I guess. Screw you Uncle Sam!!! Needless to say, I chose NOT to empty my bank account on said item, and continued my search.
Well, a few days later I found myself @ Lowe's, so I took a look at their small appliance section. First I was thinking I'd keep the questionable stove-top guy, and just get a small coffee maker (because my French Press broke in the damn dishwasher! Cheap piece o'crap!) but I couldn't find a coffee maker that made less than 10 cups. What the heck. That seems like a lot of coffee for a 2 adult household. Are people giving their kids a cup or two before they head off to school? Hmm, maybe. I finally decided on a combo model that makes a bizarre 10 cuppas, but the espresso side looked pretty decent. Just for fun I looked around at what else they had, and they had a HOME MEAT SLICER!!!!! Who ARE these people that slice their own meat?!?! Does the deli REALLY do THAT bad a job!!!! It's like hundreds of bucks for this thing! And home soft-serve-ice-cream machines!?!?? Just go to frikkin' Dairy Queen like everybody else, or eat your ice cream (gasp) HARD!!! How hard IS ice cream, anyway?
In closing, I think you can justify the coffee machine because you'd probably save $200 bucks in 2 weeks by not going to that certain aforementioned coffee joint (that will hopefully not sue me into the ground), but what about the rest of this stuff? Ain't much cheaper than a soft serve cone @ Mickey D's, except maybe yo Mama at the end of a slow night (burn!). I can see a sausage stuffing machine maybe, you decide what goes in the sausage, but the meat slicer? Do we need to micro-manage our food to this extent? Do we need a separate gadget to: de-seed a mango, pit and slice an avocado, poach an egg, and wedge a melon? Did you know you can buy anti-cry goggles for peeling onions?!?!?

[sappy patriotic music in background and gently waving flag]

I'm putting on MY anti-cry goggles...for America!