It's always the same dream, except it isn't the same, in the details...it could be a street where lots of people that I know from junior high are hanging out, or a baseball field where my dad and I are playing ball together, even though we never played baseball and didn't have any baseball fields in my neighborhood. But it's always the same door, with some kind of off white color paint that's just starting to get the faint lines that are going to turn into cracks, before it starts slowly peeling away.
I always notice the door after a while, things are maybe going well in the dream or maybe my teeth are all starting to feel loose or I'm starting to feel like someone is chasing me, or whatever, but then I notice the door and it could be attached to a house that's somehow there all of a sudden or it could be a utility shed that I hadn't noticed but it's the door always, first, with a handle made out of some glass or crystal like my grandparents' house had, and the door is always shut tight without any cracks at the bottom or at the side for any of the darkness behind it to get out, but I always know that the darkness is there behind it, just in that way that you know stuff like that in dreams.
And so then time pretty much stops in the dream, and I usually go up to the door with something like fear, or not fear but something like a nebuluos fear, a general fear, I guess dread or something like that, and I always understand that I'm going to end up going through the door, no matter what. And so it doesn't matter as much what the details are from dream to dream; sometimes the door is locked and I rattle the handle for a while, and sometimes the knob is hot or cold to the touch, or maybe those are things that you can't even know in dreams and I just always fill them in later, I don't know. But the door always eventually opens, and then the dream is over because behind the door is always
nothing
and not in a way of the blackness that I knew (or thought that I knew) was behind the door before I opened it and not in just a blanket of whiteness that blots everything out but just in the way of not feeling and not seeing anything, just knowing that there's not anything anymore, behind the door
The wierdest part is that I don't always feel the same way about it, sometimes it's the scariest thing you can think of and sometimes it's almost a comfort, knowing that the door is always there for when you're tired and you just need to get away from everything for a while, I guess, and sometimes it's not either of those things, it's just peaceful, or not even peaceful but just there's nothing at all anymore, to think about or be pissed off at or to be worried over, everything is just done, and it's OK.
I think those might be my favorite door dreams of all.
2 comments:
So descriptive, so haunting...Lurv it!... but I gotta know (hope it doesn't ruin the magic)...is it a real dream that you yourself actually have? You know, like the driving the car from outside behind the car dream? Or are you using your writery imaginations?
Nope, no real dreams like this, just strong impressions of imagery that led to it. I don't know what to tell you about the misspellings/grammatical mistakes, that was just part of the voice that it ended up coming out in somehow.
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