Let's see...what's up over at Facebook this morning...
Welcome to Facebook! You have 1 new Friend Request.
Hmmm...better check that out...hey, HotTania_7337_HAXXORZ...I think I went to high school with her! Approved, bay-bee!
HotTania_7337_HAXXORZ has taken the "Which Famous Book Are You?" Quiz!
Wow, cool! It WOULD be kind of interesting to have a random piece of poorly written software on the internet give me a pandering, broad strokes assessment of my personality based on a few completely meaningless questions! Where do I click?
Welcome to the "Which Famous [Book? Tyler, do you know if anyone has done books yet? If so, what other stupid shit could we pick? Replace this in the final version LOL] Are You?" Quiz!
Would you rather be:
A sparrow or a snail?
Hmmm, wow, that's a toughie! I mean, sparrows are all cute, but snails are all like, "Don't be coming up in my snail house with all that stuff!" LOL. I think I'll take the snail.
Would you rather be:
A hammer or a nail?
Eh...hammer.
*singing*
if Leonard Nimoy had a hammer...he'd hammer your head in...he'd hammer your face off...all over this land!
Would you rather sail away, like a swan that's here and gone?
Well, sure! I wouldn't mind sailing away from some of these BILLS, I'll tell you that LOL j/k! :>P Maybe the kids, too! o_O
When a man gets tied up to the ground, does he give the world its saddest sound...its saddest sound?
Whoa, is this thing reading my mind? I'm going with "YES!!!"
Would you rather be:
A forest or a street?
OK already, blah blah blah, just give me what book I am already. A street, I guess.
Would you rather feel the earth beneath your feet?
Jesus...what is this, the hippy quiz all of a sudden? Yes, I'd like to feel the earth beneath my feet, while I stand there eating a hamburger!
Congratulations! We have determined What Famous Book you are!
To find out what famous book you are, click here to authorize the Famous Book application to access the entire contents of your FriendList, including (but not limited to): your friends' email addresses, social security numbers, home addresses, bank routing numbers, dates of birth, and mothers' maiden names.
Yeah, yeah... *click*
To continue, please acknowledge that the makers of the Famous Book application are hereby granted the right to email notices to any and all members of your FriendsList with attachments including (but not limited to): spam, viruses, worms, trojan horses, keystroke loggers, virtual anthrax powder, ACTUAL anthrax powder, and chain mail letters that will result in their horrific deaths and/or dismemberments if they do not forward them on to seven other people within three days.
Hmmmmmmm... *click*
Congratulations! You are The Harry Potter Series! Everyone likes you, but only because it's been quite a while since they've actually been around you, so they don't really remember what you're like at all. Either that, or it's because their kids told them how great you are, and we all know what morons kids are, am I right?
What the...? Hey, come on now! Let's try this again...
*answers questions again, slightly differently*
Congratulations! You are The DaVinci Code! Back in the day you used to be really popular, but then everyone figured out that you weren't really as cool as they had thought, and they turned on you viciously, until now the mere mention of your name brings the most bitter recriminations from the mouths of those that were once closest to you!
God damn it! Stupid quiz...
*answers questions for tenth time*
Congratulations! Look, I know that you think if you keep answering these questions that eventually you're going to get something cool, like Ulysses or Lolita, but it's not going to happen, OK pal? You're going to have to live with The Bible or Letters to Penthouse or whatever you've gotten so far. Loser.
*answers questions for eleventh time*
Congratulations! OK, you win. You are The Catcher in the Rye! You are the perfect mix of charm, style, smarts, sass, and rumpled unconventional good looks! You are funny, witty, likeable, and ultra-cool, yet simultaneously soulful and poignant! You are pretty much the apex of western goddam civilization, if you want to know the truth!
All right! I can't wait to post this to Facebook! HotTania, you are all but mine...
2 comments:
I WOULD think that was funny, except I did one of those dumb quizzes today! Sorry about the virtual anthrax, if, well, you know...
There is but little difference between your mock Facebook quiz and the real thing.
Jonathan Swift would have been proud of you.
Jim
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